Forgetting You, But Never Letting Go
by shanesclaire
Summary: Every year was the same. And every year it was harder and harder to let him go. Too bad he never remembered.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own nor claim to own Glee.

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><p><strong><em>Forgetting You, But Never Letting Go<em>**

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><p>Nick wasn't paying attention to where he was walking and slammed into someone, sending him sprawling to the floor. When he looked down at the person he knocked down, his heart stopped because this boy was <em>fucking sexy<em>. The kid had to be new because Nick had never seen him before now.

"Hey, sorry, man," the boy apologized sheepishly from the floor which he was still sprawled out on.

His voice knocked Nick out of his small trance. Nick shook his head. "No, no, my bad. I should've been watching where I was going."

Nick realized that the boy was still on the floor. "Oh, sorry," Nick apologized, and quickly grabbed the boy's hand and hauled him up to his feet. "My name's Nick."

The boy smiled, his hazel eyes glowing slightly under his small fringe of blond hair. "Hey, I'm Jeff."

Nick smiled at the blond. "You must be new here."

Jeff laughed. "Is it _that_ obvious?" Jeff ducked his head a little, running a hand nervously through his hair.

Nick thought that this guy's voice had to be the sexiest thing to ever come out of someone's mouth. And the way his hair slightly stuck up in the back now… he quickly banished those thoughts from his head and smiled reassuringly at the boy in front of him. "No, it's just… I've never seen you before and I think I would remember someone like you."

Jeff smiled again and Nick could tell there was a faint blush dusting his cheeks now. "You mean clumsy?"

"No, I mean hot," Nick answered bluntly before he could stop himself. Surprised at his own words, Nick tried to backpedal. "Oh, god." Nick shut his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "That was forward, and now I look like an ass."

Jeff only laughed, much to Nick's relief. "You're pretty hot too, ya know," Jeff said with a pat on his shoulder, and then proceeded to walk away, leaving Nick to just smile as he watched his retreating back.

_This was going to be fun_.

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><p>Nick tried to get more information on the new kid, but no one seemed to have heard of a new kid even coming to Dalton. He had lost count of the number of weird looks he'd received from the other students. Nick thought this was a little weird, but maybe they haven't seen him yet. It looked like the blond was in a rush when he saw him earlier, and if he was new he probably had just gotten there that day and was probably stuck in the office all day. Nick didn't think too much of it. He was sure they would meet him eventually.<p>

Later, when Nick was lying on his bed, there was a knock on his dorm door.

"Go away, Trent! I don't have your fucking Harry Potter movie!" he called out, not even budging from his bed.

A chuckle floated through the door. "Well, I'm not Trent, but, um… maybe I have the wrong room?"

That voice… he would never be able to forget that voice.

"Shit," Nick whispered as his jaw hit the floor. He all but threw his laptop on his bed and shot off his bed like a rocket. Thankfully he caught himself on the door frame before he crashed head first into it. He took a huge intake of breath and let it out quickly before yanking the door open. The breath helped and he, hopefully, didn't look like he about broke his neck in order to get the door.

Leaning casually on the door frame, Nick smiled brightly at the boy on the other side. "Hey, new kid, what are you doing outside of my room?"

Jeff blushed again and Nick was quickly learning that he already loved making this boy blush.

"I guess it's our room now," Jeff announced with a matching grin.

"Well," Nick started with a chuckle, "welcome to your new home, I guess." He then helped Jeff lug his stuff in and then returned to his bed to watch Jeff put all his stuff away.

It was silent for a while, Nick taking the opportunity to study how the boy's pants tightened around his beautiful ass as he bent over to pick up his clothes from his bag to put in his dresser. Nick suppressed a groan and shook his head to clear his mind. He had to get his mind on to something else, and then realized this was the perfect opportunity to get some information.

"So…" Nick began, leaning back on his bed to settle against his headboard as he tossed a nerf football in his hand. "How come no one else has noticed a totally hot new kid walking around?"

Jeff chuckled and it was like music to Nick's ears. He needed to curb these thoughts or else he was going to jump his new roommate in the next ten minutes.

"I usually blend in… and for the hot part: are you sure that's not just your opinion?" Jeff straightened up, shrugging before sitting on his bed to untangle the cords of his laptop and iPod headphones. "I mean, don't get me wrong—I take it as a compliment—and I thank you—but maybe… maybe not everyone thinks I'm so hot that I'd gather a bunch of attention."

Nick nodded at the words, and then decided to change the subject. The two started talking about nothing in particular as the boy finished unpacking, and didn't stop until they both agreed it was time for sleep.

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><p>"Yeah, dude—oh, and my new roommate is pretty cool, I have to say," Nick said as he was talking to Wes the next day.<p>

He was rewarded with a "you are all types of crazy" look from Wes. "Um, Nick, I look over all room assignments… and you don't have a new roommate."

Nick looked at Wes like _he_ was the crazy one. "What are—" Nick stopped when he realized what was happening, his eyes going wide. He shook his head. "You're right, I don't. My bad, man. I'm just—I'm gonna go get some sleep now."

And Nick raced out of the room, never stopping until he barged through the door of his dorm. He quickly turned and slammed the door shut, leaning his forehead against it as he let his breathing steady. When he got his breath back, he slowly turned (still leaning against the door slightly) to see Jeff sitting cross legged on his bed like he had only just noticed Nick come in.

"Oh, hey, Nick." Jeff smiled at the boy.

"No! You—this _cannot be_ happening! Not again!" Nick yelled as he slid down the door to the floor, closing his eyes tightly as he brought his hands to run though his hair. He pulled his knees up to his chest as he rocked slightly.

Jeff just kept smiling. "Oh, it's happening, Nicky," Jeff said in a hauntingly sweet voice, making Nick jump and his eyes flash open to see Jeff slowly rising from the bed and walking over to him. Nick tried to make himself as small as possible against the door.

"When you were taking your medication, I tried and tried, but I couldn't get to you. And then," Jeff grinned even bigger then as he sank down to kneel in front of Nick, making his skin crawl, "you stopped taking your medication again." Jeff reached out a hand and ran it through Nick's hair. Nick flinched and began to tremble uncontrollably as a choked sob escaped from his throat.

"You thought I was gone, didn't you? Well, I'm back, Nicky, and I'm here to stay." Jeff stood back up then, letting out the most chilling and crazed laugh that Nick had worked so hard to never have to hear again. The sound washed over him, gripping him so tight in what felt like a case of ice.

Then, as fast as that god awful and incapacitating grip of ice appeared, it was gone. The ice snapped and in its wake was replaced by a rush of fire in Nick's veins. Before Nick could even process what was going on, he had launched himself up off the floor and over to his side of the room. In the next second, Nick started throwing things at Jeff… clothes, pens, his pillows, the lamp from his desk, books… whatever he could get a hold of.

"NO, YOU'RE NOT REAL! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" Nick yelled as Jeff continued to stand there and laugh at him. He picked up his laptop and then started to pound Jeff with it just as the door slammed open.

Nick continued to swing the laptop, yelling at the top of his lungs over and over, "leave me alone" and "you're not real". Wes and David had to dodge around the boy's swinging laptop in order to stop him.

"There's no one there, man!" Wes managed to catch the laptop as it almost slammed him in the face. Nick either didn't care about what Wes said or it didn't even register with him. Wes managed to wrestle the laptop away from the distraught boy, but Nick continued to swing his arms still, seemingly pummeling thin air, all the while yelling himself hoarse.

David jumped in then, and managed to wrap his arm around Nick's flailing body, pulling him back against his chest. "Dude, calm down. You're safe, and alone. I got you."

And somehow Nick broke, sobs wracking his frame as he collapsed in David's arms. He must have slipped from David's arms, because his head hit the floor. In the enclosing blackness of his brain, he heard Wes running from the room and yelling for help, and David hovering over him as he was rested on the floor, trying to ask if he was still okay, until the blackness finally won out with the chilling laughter of Jeff echoing in his ears as he faded away.

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><p>With what felt like a jack hammer pounding in his skull, Nick woke up in an all too familiar room. His mom called it a mental health clinic, he called it Hell. The last thing Nick could remember was David pulling him to his chest and Wes yelling for help... and then the sound of chilling laughter that made him shiver again. When he tried to remember anything after that, it was like hitting a black wall and his head throbbed even more painfully.<p>

_Must have hit my head or something_.

Nick slowly sat up on his bed and swung his legs over the edge. Once the throbbing in his skull eased and the world stopped spinning, he made his way to the door. He opened the door to the room he was in and started the route to the main doctor's office. It was a path he knew well. It wasn't his first time here.

Nick wasn't paying attention to where he was walking and slammed into someone. Before Nick could fall over, a pair of hands grabbed his upper arms to keep him up right. When he looked up at the person, his heart stopped because he could not believe who he was seeing.

The same hazel eyes, the same blond hair, that same smile that made him frightened and weak in the knees at the same time. All of it that belonged to Jeff.

"Hey, Nicky. Long time no see."

"No, you're not real!" Nick wrenched himself backwards out of Jeff's arms with so much force that he knocked himself backwards to the ground. Even though he was on the ground, Nick continued to back away from the kid. "Stay away from me!" he screamed before hopping up to his feet and running off back to his room.

"You can't run from me, Nicky. You made me!" Jeff yelled after him and Nick could hear the laughing all the way to his room.

With frantic tears running from his eyes, he slammed the door shut and plopped down on his bed. He scooted himself back to the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees as he buried his head in them.

He jumped when he heard an all too familiar voice say, "Yeah, you're right. I'll never be able to get you in here."

Nick looked up to see Jeff leaning against the door. "What do you want from me?" Nick yelled desperately, and Jeff just gave him a curious look.

"You tell me, Nick. I'm here because you want me here." Jeff came to sit on the end of Nick's bed.

Nick tried to will Jeff away, prayed even to anyone who would listen as he buried his face back into his knees and continued to cry. But Nick knew it was useless because Jeff wouldn't leave. Deep down Nick wanted him there and he couldn't for the life of him remember why.

There was a knock on the door and one of the orderlies told him that it was time for his therapy session with Dr. Martin. Without even looking at Jeff, Nick got off his bed and let the orderly lead him to the doctor's office. He knew the route by heart and could have walked it himself, but after what just happened he was relieved that he didn't have to do this alone again.

"Nick! How are you doing?" the always cheery Dr. Martin asked as Nick walked into the room.

"Well, I'm seeing imaginary people, so I'm guessing not too well," Nick joked weakly as he sat down in the uncomfortable chair across from Dr. Martin's desk. He really hated this room and this doctor.

"You're in here every year around this time, Nick. You need to get past what happened."

Nick groaned, clutching his hand in his hands. "Shut up, just shut up!"

"Jeff's dead, Nick! He has been since you were ten. You need to let him go!"

"No, he's not. He's here. He's always here. Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Nick's voice had risen to a scream.

"Nick, Jeff died on this date seven years ago," the doctor recited as if it was memorized from a script. In a way it was, since he had sat in this very room telling Nick the same thing every year for six years straight. "He fell in the creek and drowned. You were there, Nick. You know it's the truth. You need to understand that Jeff is gone and nothing will bring him back. You need to also understand that it was _not_ your fault and you couldn't save him. Even as much as you want to, you can't change the past, but you need to come to terms with it so you can move on. Don't let the past consume you."

Nick let the words wash over him, but he wasn't listening. He had the first two times, oh boy did he ever, and tried to follow them but it proved to be a waste. Jeff was always there, haunting him. Nick started crying then, as he always did.

"All right, Nick. That's enough for today. I think you should go back to your room now. You should rest." The doctor nodded to the orderly behind him and Nick numbly stood from his chair in a daze and was walked back to his room by the orderly.

Once Nick stepped through the door to his room, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He expected it to be the orderly, but when he looked up he saw a little boy with blond hair. It was little ten-year-old Jeff exactly as Nick remembered from that fatal day down by the creek. But while Nick was staring at him, he watched the boy grow and grow until he morphed into the cocky teen that had been haunting him.

"Don't let me go, Nicky," Jeff pleaded, his hazel eyes shining with tears.

"I won't, Jeffie. I'll never let you go, ever. I promise." Nick sat down on his bed and pulled Jeff with him. Jeff laid back and opened his arms up to him. Nick instantly launched himself into Jeff's arms and Jeff held him tightly to his chest.

They laid there in silence together for hours. Nick knew what was going to happen when it hit midnight. Jeff would disappear until next year. He couldn't ever say goodbye to the blond boy, so he always did the next best thing.

"I love you, Jeffie," Nick whispered as he snuggled more into Jeff's embrace.

"Never let me go, Nicky. Ever."

Every year was the same. And every year it was harder and harder to let him go. Jeff would reappear a week before the anniversary of his death. And he only remembered exactly who Jeff was when he was back in this hell of a hospital or someone jogged his memory like Wes had done a few days prior.

This was always the hardest part. The part where he remembered everything and then knew that soon he would forget and have to do this all over again. He started crying again, and Jeff ran his fingers through Nick's hair. Nick knew he should just give him up, to put a stop to this madness every year, but this was better than not having Jeff at all.

Nick tried his hardest to stay awake, but he always failed. And just as he had for the six years prior, he drifted off to sleep as Jeff hummed a song Nick hadn't heard in seven years.

Nick would wake up the next morning with no memory of how he got to the hospital.


End file.
